Most people fear the things that they don’t understand
And it is scarier when those things are a part of you
Acknowledging them could affect who you are as a person and change parts of your identity
All of that is scary for most people!
Shadow work is scary because you are learning more about the darkest parts of yourself and asking yourself some really hard questions. Shadow work is excellent for people that want a change in their life. It isn’t just facing trauma, but also facing the limiting beliefs that prevent you from reaching your goals
When I first started Shadow Work, I couldn’t get a straight answer about what it is
And that is because it looks a little different depending on the person
But the common ground is asking yourself questions and allowing yourself to record an unfiltered answer to each question
Do I find it scary?
Not really
But I might be more open to looking at the darkest parts of me
Is it uncomfortable?
Absolutely!
If you find Shadow work scary, that is ok!
That is valid and there is nothing wrong with that
Just don’t let that fear stop you
Find your courage and do it scared
The core of Shadow Work
The core of Shadow work is digging deep in your shadow, and your unconscious brain, to learn more about why you are the way you are
And to heal some of the pain that you find there
Not all of Shadow work is about healing
Maybe you discover something about yourself that you never recognized
Or maybe you need to change a belief that you have about a subject
Or maybe you want to reach big goals in your life but your shadow is holding you back
Whatever the reason for Shadow Work, it will be work
Shadow Work is not a one time fix-all solution
It can take weeks, months, years, or even never truly stop!
There are two types of Shadow Work that I do
Discovery Shadow work and connection Shadow Work
Discovery Shadow work is journaling and answering questions
I find the questions through Shadow Work journal prompts or just paying attention to what triggers me during my life
When you are writing down or recording your answer, answer completely unfiltered
The point is to find the parts that you want to cover up
So don’t hold anything back
Connection Shadow Work is visualizing yourself meeting a version of yourself that needs help
And then giving them that help
To learn more about how to do Shadow Work, check out one of my posts on it
Why it could be considered scary
As children and adults, we are constantly told what is ok and what isn’t
For some, parts of who you end up in the “not ok” category
The more we exile that part of us, the more powerful the shadow becomes
Shadow work can be scary because you are facing all the parts of yourself that you have exiled for so long
For me, I had (and still work on) facing my anger
I wasn’t allowed to express that emotion growing up
And it became powerful
The longer I held it all in, the harder it got to keep it under control
I had to dig into why I felt anger, why I felt like I couldn’t express anger, why anger scared me, and learn how to express my anger in a healthy way
That is a lot of steps!
And it takes time
So not only do you have to be brave once to face these parts of you, you need to face it many times until it isn’t a threat anymore
Does it need to be scary?
If Shadow work is scary to you, that is ok!
The more you do it, the easier it gets
And you don’t have to start with anything crazy!
I started with a simple thing that made me feel displeased about my body and worked towards loving that part of me
The more Shadow Work that you do, the more confidence you will get
The fear will get weaker
You are in control of what you do and how you react
You may not be able to stop the fear, but you can decide to face it and do it scared
How to start safely even if you are nervous
If you look at Shadow Work and feel really intimidated, start small!
There is no rule saying that you have to battle the biggest and scariest trauma right away
Honestly, I wouldn’t recommend doing that
Shadow Work is a skill and a practice
That means that you will get better the more you do it and learn about yourself
You will get better at the process and gain more confidence
There will never be a time when facing those big and scary traumas will be easy
But practicing with the smaller beliefs and struggles will give you the tools that you need when facing those big traumas
If you have a lot to dig through and your gut is saying that you need help, there is no shame in getting help with your Shadow Work
I recommend sticking with a professional though
Take some time to find a therapist that understands what you want and who makes you comfortable
Family and friends are great support, but I don’t recommend using them to help with your Shadow Work
You will be digging into some deep parts of you
This can be overwhelming for them and dangerous for you
It is too easy for something to repeat what they have heard
As someone who was betrayed by my mom and by a best friend when I confided in them, I want to give a warning about how devastating that is
I am not saying that you shouldn’t talk to loved ones, but they shouldn’t be part of your core Shadow Work process