Most people, including myself, don’t know that they have a shadow self
I didn’t know until I was 26 and starting shadow work because a friend recommended it as a way to heal my trauma responses
Healing your shadow self begins with discovering your shadow self. You need to learn about your pains, traumas, and exiled traits that live in your shadow before you can work on healing those things. Shadow work is excellent for finding those pains and can help heal them too
The shadow self is the name we have for the parts of ourselves that you hide from ourselves and others
Maybe it is trauma that you have experienced or things about you that you are ashamed of
The parts of you that you like are in the light, and the parts that you don’t like are hidden in the shadow
The more you add to your shadow, the more your life begins to be heavy
We can’t live full and healthy lives when we are ashamed of half our being
Everyone experiences some kind of trauma, and the responses to those traumas live in the shadow too
What is your shadow self?
Your shadow self is anything that you don’t want people to see
Maybe they are parts of you that are painful, or maybe they are parts that you are ashamed of
I have memories and traumas that I never resolved in my shadow
That’s why I need to work on healing my shadow
But i have so much there that it is taking a while to work through them
Your shadow self could be parts of your personality that you are ashamed of
Maybe you enjoy a childish hobby and you are ashamed of that
You hide that enjoyment from yourself and others
Those are all parts of your shadow
The more that you add to your shadow by denying parts of yourself or hiding away unresolved trauma, the heavier your life is going to get
This heaviness could come in form of emotional outbursts
Or feeling like you don’t know who you are
Facing the things inside your shadow can be really scary if you have never done anything like it before
And even then, facing the darkest parts of you can still be scary
But it is worth the results
Does everything in the shadow need to be healed?
Your shadow may have a lot of different trauma that you need to heal from, but that doesn’t mean all of it is things you need to heal
There are some things that you may need to embrace
As children, we are often taught what is ok and what is unacceptable
There are things that you want to do that appear unacceptable because of your beliefs
In this example, you may need to heal from the belief and accept the exiled part of yourself
As long as that part doesn’t hurt you or someone else
An example of this may be that you were taught to never do something fun until all your responsibilities are done
Seems like an important rule for children but it can create issues when they are adults
Many adults struggle to start hobbies that they have always wanted to try because there is always something to do
The to-do list literally NEVER ends when you are an adult
So they push away their wants and desires with the “maybe someday” promise
This can turn into a desire that they exile and it becomes part of their shadow
This increases frustration levels on a daily basis because your default setting is one that has a lot of frustration and disappointment
There are some things, like painful memories or traumas, that need healing
And there are some things, like pushed away dreams and desires, that need action and acceptance
How to heal the traumas in your shadow
There are many ways to heal traumas in your shadow
You can do to therapy and get professional help
If you choose this, be very careful who you choose to trust
Not every therapist is a fit for you
You can work on changing your mindset through affirmations
This will target the beliefs that your traumas made
For example, if you didn’t get the perfect job then you can be very disappointed and start to believe that you are not good enough for your dream job
You can change that belief by using affirmations like “I am attracting my perfect job. I look forward to the opportunity
When you are stuck on “I am not enough”, you will miss opportunities when they come
If you are reminding yourself every day that the perfect opportunity is coming, you will be looking for it and won’t miss it
You can also heal trauma in your shadow through visualization
Visualize yourself sitting next to the past version of you that went through the trauma
Listen and ask questions like you would a friend
Don’t be mean or judgemental, and give them what they need to start healing
This could be forgiveness or it could be telling them that it wasn’t their fault
This may seem weird, but your subconscious will not know that it didn’t really happen
This gives your brain the chance to begin healing that trauma
How to accept the exiled part of your shadow
Accepting parts of yourself that you have exiled can be a very scary thought
Maybe you are risking people that you care about if you allow a desire into your life
An example could be someone hiding that they are bi-sexual or gay
It is a terrifying thing to come out of the closet!
Even more, if you know that you will lose family and friends
Growing up, I would be very cautious about the things that I said
Being Bi or gay was not acceptable and I knew I would be in trouble
I didn’t trust accept that I could be bi-sexual until long after I was married to a man
And I don’t regret that at all!
But I have learned to accept that exiled part of me and know that some women are very attractive to me
And I am ok with that now
I am happily married and would never pursue anyone else
But I am not ashamed of that part of me anymore
This takes time, practice, a mindset change, and learning to take baby steps toward acceptance
But once you get there, I promise it will be worth it
Even if people leave your life
No other person is worth the pain that comes from excelling parts of yourself
You don’t lose them
It isn’t your job to change yourself and make anyone like you
It is your job to be 100% authentically you and let them choose if they will stay or not